Friday, November 21, 2014

How's Nostalgic

There was time in my life where I am being reminded by myself regarding my mistakes, my painful memories, etc...

Tonight out of the blue my hippocampus suddenly play by its own and flashes out all about my late mother. Allah, how I miss her so much! Though she has passed away 9 years ago, but yet I couldn't let her go completely. She is the most and only person who understand me the most. For me to accept the reality is  going to be hard and tough. Losing her at the age of 17 years old, plus I am the youngest among my sibling makes me the most fragile and regretfully, the most silence-typed person. Looking upon my brothers and sisters, 9 years has passed and seems to me that they have accepted with the reality pretty well. For me, the memory is still haunting my life and bind me to move forward into the future. As I proceed with my current life, how I learn medics, how I work as HO for only a year and half, and then resigned and now in the business life, for sure I need someone exactly like her to hear my complaints, to hear my cry, to listen to my nonsense or boring daily routine, to give me advice in life and in pursuing my dream, to share my hope and dream, and to call and hear her voice everyday are no longer the privileges that I have currently. People say that I still got my father. My father? Not to be rude here, but my relationship with my father is very cold and almost radio-silenced. The reason I pent up all of my emotions; sadness, angry, and happiness are simply because I do not have the right person to channel it. My father is somehow a very cold and sensitive person. One look at his face and I know that he is not my person. Though we are genetically connected, but in life, we do not look like that at all. I once tried to express my sadness, and the replied I get is harsh, and put me into the state of a more depress. Enough talk. Maybe falling into asleep may help me to forget others...

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