Assalammualaikum and good morning to all! It is a gloomy and rainy that to begin with. At least it provides us with a cold and comfortable weather to start our day.
Imagine that you are in a situation where people expect highly from you, and then suddenly you do unexpected thing and crushed his heart down. That is what I am facing right now. My father's disappointment. He cared for me since I was little, raising me till I graduated, but then I decided to resign from my post and crush his heart completely. Even when I told him the real truth regarding the cause for my resignation, he can only swallow if half-heartedly. Everyday my life is filled with sadness, and ultimately I became puny. Though AJ family bounce me back up, but bo matter what I do, everything seems wrong to him. I don't know whether I can survive any much longer with this kind of environment. I want to tell someone, to pour my heart out, but that seem to be impossible. For me to share them with my siblings are also nearly impossible as they are also are facing with their own problems. I pray to Allah everyday to guide me in resolving this matter, ad it seems that the only way I can see it is to achieve RAA. Then I would be able to get back to his good grace. It seem paradox that what I am facing right now is the same thing as my brothers and sister had faced in their past. Maybe I deserved it. Maybe Allah wants me to realize that reality is not as prettybas you imagine. Maybe He wanted me face real hardness in life, so that I can appreciate more and more. And it's true.......I am learning to appreciate every single thing and every single person. Forgiveness will not be enough to settle this matter up.
I need to prove to him and to all that even when I am fell, I can still rise back!!!! What I need is his blessing, and I really wish that I had them in hands.