Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Raya di perantauan~

Salam semua.....hari ni rasa tergerak hati nak tulis dalam bahasa ibunda Bahasa Melayu (lingua franca) :)

Alhamdulillah, saya ingin memanjatkan kesyukuran saya kepada Ilahi di atas kurniaan Syawal pada tahun ini. Walaupun hati ini merasa sedih di atas pemergian Ramadhan, tetapi jangan sesekali berasa sedih di dalam bulan Syawal, kerana di dalam bulan inilah kita menyambut kemenangan kita ke atas syaitan selama berpuasa selama sebulan di bulan Ramadhan. Harapan agar di dalam bulan Ramadhan yang lepas kita dapat menundukkan hawa nafsu kita dan dapat mendidik diri ini untuk senantiasa menurut perintah Yang Maha Esa, amin~

Berbalik kepada cerita raya kita. Tahun ni beraya di bumi Bangalore memandangkan final exam semakin menghampir (+/- 5 weeks to go), cuaknya!!!! Tambahan pula, minggu depan akan ada en-bloc exam utk 4 posting yang selebihnya; OBG, surgery, psychiatry dan orthopaedic, dan smpi ke hari ini masih lagi belum serius untuk belajar. Kenapa la time2 ni baru rasa malas nak study? adoi~

Raya di sini tidak kurang hebatnya. Beraya bersama sahabat handai dan juga orang yang disayangi.....satu nikmat yang tidak dapat dilupakan. Raya pertama dan kedua, mengunjung rumah ke rumah sambil bersalaman dan bermaaf-maafan di antara satu sama lain sebelum menduduki final exam, amat mengharukan.  Harapan agar kami semua disini akan lulus dalam peperiksaan dan pulang ke Malaysia sebagai seorang doktor, InsyaAllah........

Akhir kata dari saya, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri.....maaf zahir dan batin.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Psychological warfare


First of all I would like wish to my fellow Muslim brothers and sisters out there, in whatever country you live, a Happy Eid Mubarak 1433H! May this Eid brings you happiness and prosperity....

It's hard on me now.......burdened by the final exam and have to conceal my condition from my friends ain't a easy thing to do. It really ate inside me of not telling anyone about me.....because I am afraid that they will hate me more than they do now...I think. Tomorrow is Eid in Bangalore, and I have to pull off from the feast because of it.....Since none of them will read my blog often, so it is safe for me to express my feeling here. Right now, I can sense many people are expressing their anger towards me....Just yesterday some of them bad-mouthed me because of class attendance. I was sad by it, and yet after composing myself, I realize that I am on the right track. No one defend me, and no one say something to protect me. They just kept silence. If that is the world that I have indulged into, and then I have to be strong, in mind and in emotion. Why do I have to hurt myself for the sake of others? A clear reason why I don't want to participate tomorrow's activity. Simple, but yet profound. I admit that I have been diagnosed with a true psychological problem, and up till now I am able to control it. But, being in the circle of people who, on my opinion, is so confusing and double-faced, making it much worse. To be on the safe side, I tend to ignore some people who I once cherished and loved. It's hard, but it is for my own good.

To some, I love you, and always considered you as my true friends. But, right now, please don't ask me many questions or push me to indulge so many activities. If you can understand me, than I am more than grateful. I know when I am ready to embrace the world again. Here, I would to apologize in advance. If you want to hate me, then I have no choice to accept your hatred and your wrath. Until then~

Friday, August 17, 2012

Of friendship and stranger


Friends....we all have friends. They are the one who are always there if you need them, in time of sad and happiness (hopefully). What about if that friend became your enemy, worse, your own nightmare? I want to tell you a story.....a story about me:-

When I joined IMS-MSU, Bangalore in 2007, I only have few known and closed friends, some I have known since my matriculation  college, and some during BTN, while some I just met during orientation day in Shah Alam. I started to get close to them as time passed by. Some became my best friends, some are just good and closed friends. Anyway, I respect them, admire them and acknowledge them every day, because they are the one that you have when you are in foreign country, without your family and old, best friend nearby. For that, I'm grateful....

As I said, as time passed by, I developed a deeper relationship with one of my friend. After I moved out from my old apartment to a new one in 2009, I became much closer to her. She was a good friend, always hear my complaint on study, friends, and lecturers. We went out together, and share our interests and view on life and politics. To summarize, she is the best. However, all of that changed when she got into a relationship. Afterwards, all she talked about is about him, her problem with him, etc2......Initially I was ok with it and handled it well, but sooner I got annoyed when she talked about him. Plus, whenever I want to go out with her, sometime she make and excuse that he do not allow her to go out with me only, and must go out with any other person. All of this make me sad and somehow disappointed. I realized that I am not needed anymore, and being friend with her will only make her relationship with her fiancee worse. One day, I snapped and declared my personal hate on her. Though initially, my reason of doing so is to make sure that there will be no more fight between them anymore. I know that I am always present in any relationship. I friend with many couples, and whenever I go out with them, somehow I felt neglected and think that I am only bothering their 'date'. It seriously bothering me nowadays.

Few months after not talking to her, recently I just want to cool off with her, so I invited her to my iftar. When she came, it was awkward. Suddenly, she called my name few times. I ignored it since it is so awkward, but then I turned to her. I expected she will say something nice, or at least soothing, but what I received is something ill-mannered and egoist. I was so angry, annoyed and shocked at the same time when she said that. Though I know she has high ego, but I expect she must have change her attitude, but my expectation is wrong. Nothing is changed......nothing. After that day, it has became clear to me, that she will never change unless she has been befallen with something that would affect her life. It is also clear to me that she never know and understand me as well as I understands her. All of this are BS! I broke up my friendship with her, un-friend her from my FB, will never speak or see her face anymore! She is now a stranger in my life. Whatever happen, nothing will affect me. I'm deleting my memory about her....forever.  

Monday, August 13, 2012

Final, Ramadhan and Eid

Salam to all.......

Good gracious! It has been 3 months since I last updated my blog.....Am I that busy? emmm, probably I am,  huhuhu........Am now in the month of Ramdhan, though it's a little bit too late for me to wish 'Happy Ramadhan' to everyone.... 1 week to go for Eid this year :) Along with the Eid, my final exam is just around the corner. It was planned to be held on 24/9/2012. On 3/9/2012 I'm suppose to have en-bloc exam of my ramaining 4 postings (OBG, surgery, psychiatry and currently orthopaedic). Orthopaedic and surgery are not my favourite subjects, and yet I have to endure it. Being in orthopaedic right now, I gained lots of stress. Not because of the final, but the subject itself put so much burden on me......Some of the doctors in orthopaedic department are quite scary, especially the HOD. Haih, and plus instead of 5 days a week of classes, in ortho we have 6 classes a week! For me, it is not fair since my other friends which have gone through their orthopaedic posting before only have 5 classes a week. Every week I'm get so tired with the classes, the opd and everything around me, huhuhu.....Though I am complaining so much about my current posting, like it or not, as I said before, I must endure it.....One of the quality that you need to have of being in a medical profession is to endure everything! Faiz Parman, you can do it!!!!

Ramadhan.....before this I always update my daily 'sahur' or 'berbuka' menu, but now I have no time to that this year. Yesterday, I held a feast of breaking fast with my invited friends. I cooked 'nasi minyak', 'kuah dalca' and 'ayam masak merah' (for those who do not know this, please google them). Along with that, I made my infamous begedil, but this time, my begedil didn't turned out as I expected. Really disappointed with my begedil yesterday. Maybe need to improve it further. Those who came also brought some foods, so the table is full! Thanks again to those who came and made the food. They are delicious! Anyway, it is not about the food and drink that make it happening, it is the gathering of the people that I cherish that made me feel happy. Cooking was hard and tiring, but at the end, it was fun seeing them ate. We chat, we laughed, we cracked jokes and we talked about life. That is why I always try to do iftar at my place, for I want to gain this moment :)

For this coming Eid, what should I prepare? Since Only my batch and few minute juniors who stayed back are here, the plan is to just a simple gathering. Though I am not sure whether I will participate in the gathering this year, but hopefully this will be our last Eid here in India. Can't wait to go back home.....for good!

Well, I end my post for today here. Have to get ready for class today. May Allah bless you all. Wassalam~