Thursday, June 24, 2010

Confusing......

Whenever I look upon the sky, I kept wandering to myself whether I'm worthy enough to be born to this world. Yeah, it has been circulating in my mind for many years now, but seem this thought quite recently making it appearance more in my head. Is it a sign or what? I don't know, but I do know that I'll be having an exam this July and I don't wanna screw it up. Today I skip the entire classes because I have no mood to attend them today. This is also another problem. My mood and emotion keep changing from time to time, just like the weather. This morning I accidentally raise my voice to my friend. I don't know whether he read my blog or not, but I'm really sorry to him about this morning. I try to keep myself maintain and cheerful, but I feel that I will not be able to do it. It is hard you know, to pretend something in front of people. I hate to pretend, but if I don't, I know that I will hurt many people's feeling. Pretending is a tiring job. I wish that people could accept the REAL me, and at the same time I also wish that if there any person out there who can really accept me. Many people think differently about me. Some of them think that I am a smart, cheerful and funny person, some think that I am a dull, pain-in-the-ass kinda person, some think that I am a horny person and some think that I am good-for-nothing kinda person. When thinking about how they think differently about, I feel quite funny. It was amazing how I manage to pretend and act in front of people. I think I should get an oscar! Anyway, I think that's all I wish to say. Bye.......

Friday, June 11, 2010

Just a Mumble.....

Salam. Di dalam dunia ini, aku mengerti yang tiada sesiapa pun yang sempurna, baik manusia, haiwan mahupun tumbuh-tumbuhan. Aku sedar bahawa setiap manusia mempunyai sifat dan personaliti yang berlainan, dan aku juga tahu yang aku perlu pandai dalam menangani mereka. Tetapi, ada di kalangan mereka yang aku memang tidak mampu untuk tangani. Aku tahu yang kadang-kala aku ada melakukan kesilapan, sama ada sedar mahupun tidak. Tetapi, kesilapan yang aku lakukan itu, kadang-kala tidak pernah ditegur, dan aku, sebagai insan biasa, tidak tahu untuk membaca hati dan perasaan orang lain. Jika tingkah laku ku itu boleh mengguris hati mana-mana insan, tegurlah aku supaya aku tahu dan akan menjadi lebih 'attentive' tentang perihal tingkah laku ku itu. Namun, aku baru sahaja sedar yang ada di kalangan manusia yang akan memendam perasaan itu, dan tidak semena-mena melepaskannya tanpa aku ketahui sebabnya. Dan pabila mereka beranggap bahawa, setelah selesai segala perbincangan, semuanya telah pun tamat, tapi ketahuilah sesuatu tentang diriku ini, bahawasanya pabila sesuatu perkara yang boleh memberi impak yang besar dalam hidupku berlaku, sampai bila pun akan ku ingati perkara itu, walaupun aku tahu perkara itu sudah pun tamat, dan aku akan menjadi lebih sukar untuk berhadapan dengan mereka, kerana pabila aku melihat wajah mereka, akan ku kenang semula peristiwa itu dan membuat hatiku sedih dan terguris, lebih daripada apa yang mereka alami. Aku seorang insan yang dikurniakan oleh Allah dengan personaliti yang kompleks. Kadang-kala aku bukannya aku, dan kadang-kala bukan aku adalah aku. Aku tahu bahawa ayat tersebut sukar untuk difahami, tetapi pabila difikirkan dalam-dalam, nescaya akan mengertilah jua. Aku tidah tahu sampai bila aku boleh berselubung dengan tekanan perasaan seperti begini, dan aku juga tidak tahu dengan siapa lagi aku boleh berharap, bergantung dan mengadu, kecuali kepada Yang Maha Esa. Aku sudahpun berhadapan dengan kejadian yang sehingga kini, menjadi trauma dalam hidupku, dan dengan bebanan seperti ini, aku tidak bagaimana aku mampu untuk meneruskan hidupku seperti biasa. Ya Allah, tunjukkan aku jalan yang benar, dan berikanlah aku kekuatan dan ketabahan dalam berhadapan dengan masalah seperti ini.

Anyway, musim World Cup akan bermula pada hari ini. Ingin mengucapkan selamat berhibur kepada peminat suka bola sepak seluruhnya......

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Life is so miserable. I'm stepping out from the stage for a while.........

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

A short note...

Salam to all. We have already entered June and it is a matter of time before July say hi to all of us. Starting on July 12th, I'll be having my first IA for the 3rd phase (part 1). When I try to think about it, it really freaking me out since I haven't prepare for it. Many people say that I had read so much, but in truth I hadn't. Recently, I always skip classes, spend my time more on game and movies. Really don't know what the hell is happening to me. I hope that I can change myself soon. There are some matter that really haunted me, things that I shouldn't do, which I had did it. I have no self-control and even if I try to, it is really difficult for me to inhibit myself for doing it. I am very sorry to the person who had been my victim and I hope that you can forgive me. Anyway, I am now buzy finishing the ultimate community medicine assignment which has been rejected for the 3rd time! Really hope that this time they will accept it. If not, I will really burn down the department, hahahaha~ Well, not much to say this morning, just hoping that you enjoy these picture which I took yesterday during community medicine posting. Have fun!