Friday, July 29, 2005

Demam!

adakah anda demam? ya semestinya demam af, tapi aku ni bkn demam olok2 tapi serious punye. hari rabu lepas aku telah dilanda demam panas yg sengal sekali bisanya. dah la pada hari tu kakak2 aku balik kl dan ayah pulak masih lagi kat jb, so aku pun terpaksalah duduk di rumah sorang2 tanpa pemerhatian orang lain. tapi best jugak demam ni, takyah pegi sekolah! so, sepanjang gari tu aku menghadap astro dan secara tak sengaja tertekan pulak channel 13. sekali keluar drama putera gunung tahan dan pelakonnya semesti orang yg diminati ramai perempuan, dan kemudian disusuli dgn drama julia. drp filem tu aku paham la jugak tentang prjalanan cerita komsas yg aku tengah belajar tahun ni. okey la, ni nak cite sikit tentang markah ujian bulan julai. aku setakat ni dapat 7A agaknya. tapi ari ni aku cukup frust, ye la sebab ni first time aku dapat markah pqs 61% je. teruk tak? tapi selepasa aku membelek kertas jawapan tersebut, aku dapati banyak lagi kelemahan yg masih aku perlu cope dgn segera, ye la pekse percubaan dah dekat, tolak cuti semua dah tinggal beberapa minggu je. aku pulak masih lagi belum bersedia dah masih lagi leka dgn dunia khayalanku. harap2 dapatlah aku bersedia untuk pekse percubaan kali, agar aku dapat kalahkan 4 orang budak pandai dalam kelas tu. anyway, esok kat sekolah ada majlis pelancaran minggu bahasa dan dialog kesusasteraan yg akan dirasmikan oleh hjh norbi dr jpm. yg involve hanyalah budak form 3 & 5. budak2 dari sekolah lain jugak akan dtg kerana ini perasmian peringkat negeri. stp jadi host pulak kali ini. dan esok jugak aku dan 9 orang pelajar yg lain akan pegi ke smdb untuk kuiz fizik. so, aku berharap agar korangkan kejayaan kami disana ye! oklah, badan pun dah macam bau kambing ni, so let me take my shower and someday we will meet again. Layan!!!

Friday, July 15, 2005

Kenangan

A'kum. lama tak blog, yelah dgn peksenya, dgn macam2 lagilah hal. aku baru je habis pekse bulanan, iaitu bulan julai. lepas ni pekse percubaan la pulak! aku ni pulak masih nampak tak bersedia lagi. budak2 lain semua nampak dan bersedia, meaning kalau masuk dewan peperiksaan pun dah ada confidence la nak jawab soalan. hari ni sekolah adakan Majlis Prestasi dan Jalinan Mesra. adakah title majlis ini jiwang? hanya anda yang berkuasa menentukan. sangkakan ayah tak dtg sebab ayah kata hari ni dia meeting sampai kul 12pm. so, aku ingatkan baid yg dtg, tapi hampeh! dia tido sebab jaga malam betulkan komputer orang. so, by hook or by crook, ayah kena dtg ke majlis yg aku cukup anti sangat. why? sebab lepas majlis ni akan kedengaran suara2 nasihat yg aku dari segi lumrahnya memang tak boleh dengar atau tak senang duduk senang cite. tapi makna yg tersirat tu cukup bermakna buat diriku demi kejayaan aku, itu pun kalau aku sempat atau boleh mengecapi kejayaan yg dikatakan sangat manis dan tak tergambar perasaannya itu. anyway, lain2 macam biasa, cuma minggu depan aku kena jadi mc kat perhimpunan, bercakap dalam tiga bahasa, BM, BI, dan BA. bila aku dengar cikgu ckp camtu, berpeluh seluruh badan aku dibuatnya, mana taknya dah la aku ni cakap berbolot, laju dan uncontrol lak tu! ni yg buat aku rasa cuak. tapi, apa boleh buat sebab tiga orang guru dah naikkan nama aku, aku tak bolh nak buat apa2 lagi dah. teacher das pulak kata nak jadikan aku Mahathir Lokman Jr. tapi aku rasa okey jugak, sebab kalau dari segi positifnya, aku boleh cuba ckp slow dan control macho di depan bebudak ni. ni la dia cara2 untuk mem'promote' diri yg tak seberapa ni. okey la, bila cakap tentang hal ni rasa tension pulak, ialah orang yg tengah gemuruh ni aku, bukan orang lain! untuk pengetahuan, aku punya result pekse pertengahan tahun ialah 5A, 6B dan 1E. can you guest what I got for E? add math of course! kadang2 tu tergerak jugak hati nak cuba struggle add math dan tingkatkan pncapaian sebab aku tahu SPM is just around th corner. tapi tulah, nak bertanya dgn cikgu rasa segan dan bersalah sebab tengok cikgu sibuk uruskan hal2 lain, mengalahkan Pak Lah. kalau tanya kawan2 yg pandai add math macam yus, aki dan ctm, aku surrender awal2 lagi, sebab bila diorang terangkan, ada sesetengah tu yg aku memang tak paham, bila tanya second time pun aku masih lagi tak paham, tapi nak sedapkan hati diorang, aku just buat2 paham walaupun pada hakikatnya aku masih lagi tak paham apakebenda yg diorang terangkan. mungkin gaya dan cara serta mentaliti diorang ni dah terlalu advanced sangat, sehingga aku pun tak termampu menyaingi mereka, seperti diibaratkan sebuah komputer yg mempunyai RAM 256 dgn komputer yg mempunyai RAM 128. jauh bezakan? kalau arwah mak ada lagi, mungkin aku boleh tanya dan jadikan sbg tempat rujukan math. masa lower form dulu, arwah mak yg ajar aku everything yg aku tak paham, tu sebab aku ada pandai sikit math masa lower form. cara mak ajar tak sama dgn cikgu dan kawan2 ajar. aku tahu setiap manusia tidak serupa dari segi fizikal dan mental. tapi cara mak ajar sangat menarik hati, mak tak pernah marah bila aku tak dapat jawab soalan tu, malah ajar aku sampai aku boleh buat. bila terkenang balik zaman dulu, terasa keindahan dan kemanisan kehidupan aku sbg pelajar menengah rendah berbanding sekarang. ada orang kata cikgu boleh ajar anak orang lain tapi tak boleh ajar anak sendiri, takut nanti bila ajar anak sendiri nilai kesabaran akan hilang. tapi kata2 tersebut bukannya ciri mak. mak di samping mengajar anak orang lain, mak juga boleh mengajar anak sendiri dan tak pernah ada perasaan marah atau hilangnya ketidaksabaran dalam hati. apa nak buat, semua dah berubah. Zaman sekarang tidak lagi sama dgn zaman dulu. kalau dulu bergambar 8 orang, tak termasuk abang dan kakak ipar aku, sekarang bergambar 7 orang je. keadaan pun kian suram, dgn hujan yg lebat time ni, menambahkan lagi kegelapan ruang gema rumah ni. baiklah, aku nak tido la, ltih pulak rasenya. Bye!

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Kesengalan pihak sekolah!

A'skum. I don't know why I always condemn my school lately. Maybe it's because the feeling of dissatisfied that I kept for about 5 years of my study there. Lately, or I can just say YESTERDAY, asu usual I came to school, went up to the 'surau' and recite yasin together in a harmony condition. That condition had been interrupted by the announcement from my teacher about the caught of 3 students who were hiding in the toilet when the reciting of yasin. They're form 4. But that didn't effect my spirit to study and go through the journey of the day. Suddenly, something goes wrong. The boys heve been called down to the 'astaka' for some spotcheck. I was in a shock! As the assistant of head prefect, I must have been informed about this spotcheck before it could been done. I heard rumor that this spotcheck has been made up because the lost of a single 'sampin' that was belong to the hosteller in form 2. If that 'sampin' was belong to the hosteller, why we as the humble, innocent outsiders must through the spotcheck? this is stupid! Supposedly only the hostellers must go on, not us! but we just the students who have no power at all in deciding something. with a heavy heart, we have to pass through the spotcheck. do you know what, student who don't write their name on the 'sampin' will be cane. this is nonsense! After all, this is the first time I know that we must write our own name on the 'sampin'. If the hostellers, I can still accept it, but to the outsiders? What a pathetic reason to cane us. I don't care if I was the one who been canned, but I felt sad and sympathy to all my colleagues that have been cane because of something that they didn't done. I was sad with the school's action of canning us. I was sad that the teacher/discipline board used this kind of method to investigate the case. Actually, the right way to solve this case is to ask strictly to that boy who complaint about the lost of his belonging. Before punishing others, make sure you have done the investigation, not just hear and believe the complaint. Sometimes, the only way for someone to release from been canned is just give a nice, good, irresponsible reason to the teachers and the scenario of canning will finally happen. I don't want to recall this incident anymore because it has become past tense. But really, I was frustrated with the school and all that related to the incident. I curse that boy will have no longer happiness and his life will be burden with misery after misery!

Friends
my dear friends,
you're part of me,
in every single steps,
I had taken,
on this ferocious land.
but know this,
every steps I taken,
neither happy nor cheerful,
I have drag all of you,
to the valley of sadness,
to the land od disappointment,
I have failed you,
I have failed you.
before the angel of dead comes,
I wish you all a forgiveness,
a forgiveness,
from someone like me,
a totally loser,
an empty person,
without anything left,
in my soul and in my life,
I give you all a farewell gift,
a gift which is humble,
a gift which contain nothing,
a give from a pathetic person,
which bring inside of me,
thousand of dark memory,
without a single light,
that brighten my life,
only sadness accompany me,
through the rough day in my life.
I am waiting for the moment,
the moment where I can see her again,
together I can hold her warm hand,
seeing her smile,
and live happily,
for the rest of my life.